me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
