is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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