my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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