jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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