Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
