areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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