"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
