What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
