Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
