I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
