I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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