You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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