I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
