The maid of honor just puked.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
sex in a hospital.. check
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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