Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
