I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
