bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
