dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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