She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
