fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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