I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Farmville is her only friend.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
