Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
