Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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