i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
