I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
