ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
