I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
