I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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