no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
