I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
