I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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