My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
