I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
