I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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