Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
