Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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