Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
