No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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