he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
