UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
