I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
