I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
