***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
