girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
