when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
