ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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