Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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