my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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