I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
