That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
