I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
