my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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