Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
