Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
